Well hello again, I'm writing this right now because I have to get it off my chest. During the past week I haven't been feeling the best. I'm constantly having mood swings and I don't mean it like one day I'm good the second day I'm not, I mean it like one hour I'm good and the next...well not that much. It's so difficult to explain because I'm not even sure what that is.
I have a lot of pressure on me right now from my family, friends, teachers... and those expectations are killing me, because I'm expecting that much from myself too. It's been such a long time since I've actually felt happy and I'm kind of forgetting what that used to feel like.
I'm constantly reminding myself that I CAN be positive but then, out of nowhere a freaking dark thought rushes into my mind and destroys everything. I don't know if it's my anxiety, the pressure, or another mental illness I have yet to discover. Not to mention the fact that all I want is to just lock myself in my bedroom, which I used to do before but not this much.
The worst part is that my parents don't get any of this, so whenever I suddenly feel so down all they do is criticize me. And yes I have talked with them about it before and I thought they understood but apparently they didn't.
What is also scaring me is the fact that I'm constantly thinking " If I die right now wouldn't I feel better?". It's not like suicidal thoughts, I don't want to kill myself and I don't want to die either, it's just that being constantly worried and always overthinking everything is exhausting and the only thing helping me get some rest is sleep( even if it's for a few hours).
I know I'm not the only one dealing with this, and I know some people deal with problems much worse than mine, but this is me, and those are the problems I try my hardest to fight against, and I'm not willing to give up. I do hope reading this makes you feel a little better, I mean knowing that you're not alone, but I would also appreciate it if you could leave some advice here for me.
I hope things will get better for all of us, STAY STRONG.
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